ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
