help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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