I puked a lego.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
