i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
