that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
