Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
