I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
