I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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