Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I need a beard to bite.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
