I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
