What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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