trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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