I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
