I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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