Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
