i think i have herpe
just one?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
