Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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