totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
