I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
