I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
