I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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