i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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