Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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