Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
