He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
