Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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