These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
