I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
