we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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