I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I AM VODKA MAN
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
