did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
