Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
