yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
FUCK WHALES
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
