You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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