I'm really into asian looking animals
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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