her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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