if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
