all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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