if only i could text you this smell
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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