You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
