he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
