i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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