I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Are my feet made of real feet?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
