u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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