So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
