I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
