I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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