he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
