If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
