You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
